2004-03-25T01:15:00.000-08:00

A lot of people post lists of facts about themselves on their blogs. That looks like a lot of work, and if I were to try to do so it's probable that some would turn out to be pretty boring ("I don't know my own shoe size,") or complete fabrications ("I have three testicles"). Instead, I'm going to post the results of every damned internet quiz I've ever taken about myself, so that you can know me as well as I know myself (fun facts: Frank Iacobucci doesn't know his own shoe size, and Albert Einstein had three testicles). On the off chance that you find that there is something about me that you still don't know after viewing this, I suggest you either find or make an internet quiz that would answer those questions (with the results needing to be summed up either in five or fewer words or by a bunch of percentages measuring closeness) and send me the url at sarcasticidealist@gmail.com. Until then, get a life.

My pirate name is Mad Sam Rackham.
My cowboy name is Steve "Biscuit Shooter" Smith.
If I went to Hogwarts, I would be in House Gryffendor.

According to This Site I am an Introvert, a Sensor, a Thinker, and a Judger. Sounds like a Sheryl Crow song.
On no pants day, I should wear just boxers.
According to the Princeton Career Quiz, my interest colour is blue and my usual style is yellow. Please note that I have no idea what any of this means.
My Ecological Footprint is 6.8
In a past life, I was a Nervous Army General.
In order to act my age, I'd have to be 24.
My seduction style is the Charmer (no, really - the internet never lies!).
I am 50% normal.
My inner European is Irish.
According to this test, my intellect is 60% Visual, 60% Interpersonal, 100% Verbal, and 180% Mathematical.

My political leanings are -2.88 along the Left/Right axis and -9.38 along the Libertarian/Authoritarian axis.
According to the World's Shortest Political Quiz, I'm a Left-Liberal.
My best political fits in the 2004 Presidential election are:
Kucinich - 100%
Sharpton - 99%
Kerry - 94%
Dean - 89%
Edwards - 81%
Bush - 15%

In February of 2003, on the 2003 version of the Gateway Purity Test, I scored 135.
In February of 2004, on the 2004 version of the Gateway Purity Test, I scored 231.
In February of 2005, on the 2005 version of the Gateway Purity Test, I scored 189.

If I was a Canadian Supreme Court Justice, I would be Frank Iacobucci (78.4% match).
If I was a World Leader, I would be Albert Einstein.
If I was a Classic Movie, I would be Easy Rider.
If I was a Mythological Creature, I would be a Dragon.
If I was a Cheese, I would be Cheddar.
If I was a Bodily Discharge I would be defecation.
If I was a Family Guy character, I would be Joe.
If I was a Country, I would be Canada (Huh).
If I was a Book, I would be The Dictionary.
If I was a State, I would be Colorado.
If I was a Breakfast Club Character, I would be Brian Johnson.
If I was a Winnie the Pooh Character, I would be Kanga.
If I was a Flavour, I would be Tea.
If I was a Friends Character, I would be Chandler.
If I was a Harry Potter Character, I would be Hermione Granger. Shut up.
If I was a Hat, I would be a Bowler.
If I was in The Lord of the Rings, I would be a Dwarf.
If I was a Jedi Knight, I would be Mace Windu (the one played by Samuel L. Jackson).
If I was Poetry, I would be Blank Verse.
If I was a Pre-1985 Video Game Character, I would be Mario.
If I was a Biblical Hero, I would be Joseph.
If I was a Member of Hack Club 7, I would be Steve Smith.
If I was a Big Lebowski character, I would be Jeff "The Dude" Lebowski.
If I was a Dungeons & Dragons character, I would be a Lawful Neutral Gnome Bard Ranger.
If I was on Survivor Palau, I would be Katie.

My Compatibility with Major World Religions is
1. Nontheist (100%)
2. Secular Humanism (100%)
3. Unitarian Universalism (95%)
4. Theravada Buddhism (71%)
5. Liberal Quakers (60%)
6. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (44%)
7. Neo-Pagan (30%)
8. Bahá'í Faith (20%)
9. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (20%)
10. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (20%)
11. Jehovah's Witness (20%)
12. Taoism (17%)
13. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (13%)
14. New Age (6%)
15. New Thought (6%)
16. Eastern Orthodox (0%)
17. Hinduism (0%)
18. Islam (0%)
19. Jainism (0%)
20. Mahayana Buddhism (0%)
21. Orthodox Judaism (0%)
22. Orthodox Quaker (0%)
23. Reform Judaism (0%)
24. Roman Catholic (0%)
25. Scientology (0%)
26. Seventh Day Adventist (0%)
27. Sikhism (0%)

Correspondingly, my scores for each level of Dante's Inferno were:
Purgatory (Repenting Believers) Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers) Moderate
Level 2 (Lustful) High
Level 3 (Gluttonous) Moderate
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious) Very Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy) Moderate
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics) Very High
Level 7 (Violent) Moderate
Level 8 - The Malebolge (Fradulent, Malicious, Panderers) High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous) High

The personality disorders from which I suffer and the extent to which I suffer from them are:
Paranoid: Low
Schizoid: Moderate
Schizotypal: Moderate
Antisocial: Moderate
Borderline: Moderate
Histrionic: High
Narcissistic: Moderate
Avoidant: High
Dependent: Low
Obsessive-Compulsive: High

According to the Enneagram Personality Test, my matches with each of the nine personality types are:
Type 1: The Reformer. The rational, idealistic type: 6
Type 2: The Helper. The caring, nurturing type: -2
Type 3: The Motivator. The adaptable, success-oriented type: -3
Type 4: The Artist. The intuitive, reserved type: 1
Type 5: The Thinker. The perceptive, cerebral type: 6
Type 6: The Skeptic. The committed, security-oriented type: -6
Type 7: The Generalist. The enthusiastic, productive type: 4
Type 8: The Leader. The powerful, aggressive type: -1
Type 9: The Peacemaker. The easygoing, accommodating type: -5

My compatibility with major world views is as follows:
Existentialist: 100%
Materialist: 100%
Modernist: 75%
Post-Modernist: 75%
Cultural Creative: 25%
Romanticist: 25%
Fundamentalist: 13%
Idealist: 0%
Apparently my e-mail address is wrong.

If I was a Greek God or Goddess, I would be:
zeus 75%
hermes 75%
Nyx 75%
herra 58%
ares 50%
artemis 42%
athena 42%
aphrodite 33%
apollo 33%
poseidon 25%
eos 17%
aeolus 17%
hephaestus 8%
Hades 8%

My matches with the planets of the solar system are as follows:
Jupiter 75%
Earth 65%
Saturn 60%
Uranus 48%
Neptune 48%
Mercury 45%
Mars 45%
Pluto 42%
Venus 28%

The likelihood of various causes of my death are as follows:
Gunshot 73%
Natural Causes 67%
Disappear 67%
Eaten 47%
Bomb 47%
Disease 40%
Suffocated 40%
Suicide 33%
Posion 33%
Accident 33%
Stabbed 27%
Drowning 27%
Cut Throat 0%

If I were a Superhero, I would be
Spiderman 75%
The Flash 65%
Supergirl 62%
Superman 60%
Wonder Woman 52%
Green Lantern 50%
The Incredible Hulk 40%
Iron Man 40%
Batman 35%
Robin 32%
Catwoman 25%

If I were an X-Man, I would be
Beast 95%
Storm 75%
Nightcrawler 60%
Wolverine 60%
Professor X 60%
Iceman 55%
Banshee 55%
Colossus 50%
Shadowcat 50%
Cyclops 40%
Rogue 35%
Archangel 30%
Jean Grey 20%

Everything about Steve Smith